A Compassionate Guide to Healing Vaginismus
Vaginismus is a condition where the pelvic floor muscles around the vagina tighten involuntarily, either before or during penetration. This can happen during sexual activity, a pelvic exam, or even when trying to insert a tampon. The muscle response can lead to discomfort, pain, or in some cases, make penetration impossible.
Experiencing this can bring up a wide range of emotions—confusion, frustration, sadness, and often, shame. These feelings are completely valid. But it’s important to know that vaginismus is not your fault, and you are not alone in facing it. Therapy, often alongside medical and physical treatments, can be a meaningful part of your healing—helping you understand what’s happening and begin building a sense of comfort and trust in your body again.
Common Causes and Contributors
Vaginismus can develop for many different reasons. Some people notice it after a painful or distressing experience, while others may not be able to pinpoint any specific cause. In some cases, there may be a physical or medical reason behind it.
It’s important to remember that vaginismus is not your fault, and your experience is valid—regardless of the cause.
Psychological and emotional contributors can include:
Anxiety related to sex, intimacy, or pain
Cultural or religious messages about sexuality
Past negative sexual experiences or trauma
Relationship stress or emotional disconnect
Body image concerns or low self-esteem
These factors can influence how safe or comfortable someone feels during intimacy, and they can lead to a physical protective response—like muscle tightening—without the person even realising it.
How Can a Psychologist Help?
Psychologists approach vaginismus with empathy, curiosity, and care. Because every person’s experience is unique, therapy is tailored to meet your individual needs and goals. Here are some of the ways psychological support can help:
Creating a Safe Space: Many people with vaginismus feel shame, confusion, or frustration. A psychologist can offer a judgment-free environment where you can talk openly—sometimes for the first time—about your experiences and concerns.
Understanding the Mind-Body Connection: Vaginismus is often a mind-body response. We explore how your thoughts, emotions, past experiences, and beliefs about sex may be contributing to the muscle tension. Simply understanding why this is happening can be a huge step toward healing.
Managing Anxiety and Fear: If anxiety is part of your experience, we’ll gently work together to reduce the fear response using evidence-based techniques like cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), mindfulness, breathing techniques, and relaxation strategies.
Approaching your Relationship: If you are in a relationship or having partnered intimacy, we will explore ways to communicate your needs and boundaries, deepen your connection, enhance experiences of pleasure and build trust and safety.
Processing Trauma, if Present: If your vaginismus is linked to a past trauma, therapy provides a safe environment to begin processing and healing at your own pace.
Working Collaboratively: Vaginismus treatment benefits from a team approach. Psychologists frequently collaborate with pelvic floor physiotherapists, your GP, and sex therapists to ensure all aspects—physical and emotional—are being supported.
Healing Is Possible
Vaginismus can feel isolating—but you are not alone, and you are not broken. With the right support, many people find relief from pain, build trust in their bodies again, and regain a sense of comfort and connection in their relationships.
If you're curious about whether therapy might be helpful, consider reaching out to a psychologist who has experience with sexual health or pelvic pain. The first step can feel daunting—but it can also be the beginning of healing.
Written by Clinical Psychologist Ashley Depasquale